


Text Messaging

by DemonMamoru



Category: Yugioh, Yugioh Abridged
Genre: Crack, Dark Humor, Funny, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor, Text messaging, innuendos, laughing about injuries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-02-17 23:38:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2327312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemonMamoru/pseuds/DemonMamoru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on alexdamien's 75 Texts Bakura Sent Malik</p><p>Tags are self explanatory. Crack humor, mentions of the abridged series. I don't own YGO, if I did, I'd be filthy rich. xD</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Golden Opportunity

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [75 Texts Bakura sent Malik](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1106878) by [alexdamien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexdamien/pseuds/alexdamien). 



It had been a long day for Bakura. His Ryou needed to spend the morning and well into the afternoon working. After all, someone had to make money to put aside to bail him out. But that also mean that by the time Bakura got a turn to pilot the body, he was physically tired.

He didn't feel like doing much, so he had climbed up to the balcony of their apartment complex, which was in a good neighborhood with little criminal activity. It also sat in the vicinity of the Kaiba Corp. building.

The sun was setting, and Bakura was sitting on the balcony with a bucket of water balloons that he was chucking down on unsuspecting passerby.

**What r u doing?** Bakura's phone beeped with a chime that signaled a text from Marik.

**Watching the sunset.** He typed out on the touch screen.

Under him, a strange boy in a white business suit walked under him, talking on the phone in what Bakura guessed to be German. The same person had passed by him earlier that month three or four times. Judging by his tone, his stature and the way he moved, Bakura judged him to be a flamboyant person. As if the pink hair didn't give it away.

With a malicious grin, he picked up the bucket, moving the handle out of the way, and hauled it up to the railing, waiting for the wealthily clad man to pass by. Carefully judging the timing, Bakura leaned the bucket outwards, and then spilled the load of brightly color orbs of latex and water down onto the sidewalk below.

Fluent cursing in German ensued, and Bakura just grinned downward at the guy, snapping a high-definition picture with his smart phone as it chimed again, with a new message from Marik.

**The hell you are.**

Bakura snickered and sent back a photo of the man he just drenched with water, captioned with:

**I know you told me to not throw things from the balcony but that pink haired sucker was passing by. Golden opportunity, I couldn't miss it.**

 


	2. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> m/m relationship

Finally, it was saturday night. Bakura had taken control with Ryou, who didn't hesitate to voice his concerns of him and Malik going out to a place that served alcohol. While Bakura had experience of his former lives about the dangers and consequences of drinking too much booze, Malik did not. And more often than not he came over to Bakura's apartment to sleep it off, also using the toilet to upchuck, while trying to get some advil and gatorade to stay down. 

Bakura thought it was hilarious. Ryou got annoyed and angry.

Either way, it had been a couple weeks, and they had all been quiet, and now Bakura was feeling like getting into some trouble, involving intoxication and dancing. He ran a brush through drying hair, and pulled on a pair of butt-hugging black jeans and a t-shirt that accented his thin, but tall frame. 

He knew the things it did to Marik. And a flirty drunk Malik was a good time in Bakura's book.

Picking up his phone he sent out the message:  **What bar are we still not banned from?**

 


	3. Vampire Obsession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malik has another bad idea. Bakura does his best to be a good influence. In a violent sort of way.

Malik had been visiting for the weekend, and Bakura (even Ryou) absolutely loved horror movies. So far, they had alternated movie choices, Bakura picking anything that had lots of blood and guts, Ryou picking things that had occult notes in it, and Malik who always seemed to pick vampire movies. They were watching the third movie in the Underworld series, and that was when Bakura really seemed to notice something.

Malik had a thing for vampires.

Shortly after that thought had ran through his mind, Malik had turned to him and asked how he thought he would look with fangs.

Bakura shook his head, and turned back to the movie, watching the girl with dark hair kill someone, unimportant or not, he wasn't sure. He just mindlessly watched the movie, as Malik seemed to enjoy it, and jumped (more often than not) into Bakura's lap. Which of course, Bakura pretended to not like, but always allowed.

It was a week later, when Bakura was making himself a microwave dinner that his cell phone chimed a notification, from Malik.

To which he replied:

**If you sharpen your teeth I'll punch them out. I'm serious. And Ishizu will let me.**

Actually, he wasn't too sure that Ishizu _would_ let him punch out Malik's teeth.

But Malik didn't need to know that.

 


	4. Tales From The Bar That They Still Aren't Banned From

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened at the bar they aren't banned from?
> 
> THIS.

After going to the one bar that they still were on good terms with the workers, Bakura and Malik were two hours into their stay there. In two hours, Bakura had four drinks, of medium strength, while Malik had downed his-seventh or eighth, maybe ninth-drink of that night, he was just shy of vomiting. It had only taken two or three incidents before Bakura knew what to look for to prevent Malik from throwing up.

At the end of the night, Bakura, most sane of the two whether intoxicated or not, had called a cab, dropped off Bakura at his house and helped him up the stairs (which was an absolutely hilarious endeavor), and had the driver take him to his apartment. He paid the cabbie, gave him a five for a tip, since he did have to put up with a drunken Malik, and headed in. 

The last thing he remembered was getting out three advil, and a bottle of blue gatorade that he put on his nightstand, before he laid down on his bed, out before his head hit the pillow.

*-*-*-*-*

He was awake before his eyes opened up, a ridiculous chiming noise assaulting his eardrums like drills. A few moments passed before he realized that it was his cell phone going on in his back pocket, due to that he hadn't taken it out and put it on the charger the night before. 

Grunting, he rolled over to the night stand, sat up, twisted the cap off the gatorade like he was wringing someone's neck, picked up the advil, and downed them while taking several more swallows of the sports drink afterwords. Light seeped into the room from between the curtains, so it was bright enough to see his surroundings, but not make his hangover worse. Grunting with the effort it took to coordinate his left arm, he pulled out his phone, the screen lit up informing him that he had a text from Malik.

**Morning, how r u?**

Bakura gave a growl, before typing out: 

**Hung over as hell. You?**

Bakura pulled off his shirt and socks, and threw them in the dirty hamper, and made his way to the bathroom. He got out a towel and a wash clothe, deciding that a shower might do him good. Then, his phone went off again.

**Guess you got the short end of the stick. I woke up this morning with no headache, no naseau, no nothing. Apparently the gods of drinking favor me! :p**

Bakura gave a sigh, before turning on the shower and waiting for it to heat up, as he stripped ot of his clothes, not going to bother until he was more awake.

About halfway through his shower, he heard his phone go off again. Five minutes later, he stepped out, drying off, and wrapped the towel around his waist, picking up his phone and heading back into his bedroom.

**Are you mad??? ^^;**

The advil kicking in kept the screen of the phone from glaring to his eyes like a messenger of the holy, as he wrote back.

**I'm not angry. More like amazed at your liver.**

He put the phone down on his dresser and he pulled out a pair of black pants and a grey tank top, halfway dressed, before his phone went off again. 

For a while they talked about what they remembered, how good the drinks were, until they got to the main event of the evening: karaoke.

During which, Malik had been whole-heartedly convinced that he was a certain, famous female pop singer. 

**WHAT?! 0WO**

Bakura sat back as he poured himself a glass of orange juice, now fully dressed and munching on a bagel.

**I kept trying to convince you that you weren't Lady Gaga but it didn't work.**

This of course, lead to another long conversation about what had happened for that part of the night, until Malik said that he couldn't remember how he got home.

**If I was that drunk, then how did I manage getting up the porch stairs? 0_o**

**You didn't. The first few times anyway.** Bakura typed back.

**What happened?**

**You kept falling over and apologizing to the stairs. It was hilarious, I still have the video.**

Bakura grinned as he plugged his phone into his laptop, the video being downloaded, and then going on to have a quick, one way ticket to facebook.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's so short. and I'm sorry for not updating but college has been killing me, and i'm hoping to update everything that's my own during this week.

Malik went down the stairs of a mall he was in, carrying his purchases of new duel monsters cards, a couple of new movies, and a new video game. As he walked, intent on stopping by his favorite candy shop, a group of girls walked by, one girl being comforted and blathering on about something to the others. Malik caught a few words here and there before they were out of ear shot. Mentally shrugging, he stepped into the candy store, and got his usual, picking out a couple of things for Bakura as well. 

Going home, he cooked his dinner, while texting Bakura. 

**So a sugar daddy isn't a cocktail?** Malik typed out as he chewed.

**No.**

**Well, it sounds like one.** It should be something sweet, Malik thought, if there was one. Maybe he'd invent one.

**It isn't.**

**I have another question.** Malik sent back.

**When don't you.**

If anyone could imbibe sarcasm through a text message alone, it was Bakura. 

**What is a bootycall? I demand you come here and explain it to me.**

**Bakura I swear by the gods above.**

**Besides, I've got your favorite food and dessert. ;D**

**Fine. Be there in a few.**

 


End file.
